As May 16th approaches, I find myself not really able to concentrate on anything I need to.  It’s like this every year.  The 2 weeks leading up to Jason’s birthday hang over me like a dark cloud.  I think of the things that could have been and what he would have looked like.  I decided to take out my old photo album.  I don’t have digital pictures of him.  I still had a 35mm camera.  Those were the days.  I found a picture of Jason on his first birthday when we had no idea anything was wrong with him.  That was 3 months before he was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma.  The next picture was his second birthday.  We were at the hospital.  UGH.  I remember being so mad that we had to spend a whole month in the hospital for his bone marrow transplant.  Jason was so sick (as you can see from the picture).  His mouth had sores from the chemo he was giving him.  He couldn’t eat or drink anything and was in so much pain.  I tried so hard to make his birthday nice for him.  I brought him toys and a cupcake.  He wasn’t interested in anything but me holding him.  I could start crying if I tried to replay that day in my head.  So, this year Jason would have been 11 years old.  I miss him so much.

Jason's 1st Birthday - May 16, 1999

Jason's 2nd Birthday - May 16, 2000 - bone marrow transplant